It's okay not to be okay

• Be kind to yourself: What would you say to a close friend who’s in the same situation as you? Say that to yourself. 
• Open up and share: If not with your coworkers, then do it with your close friends or others in your social circle. You’re not alone, and it helps to have people who remind you of that and keep you grounded. 
• Find your safe spaces: It’s important to have spaces where you feel comfortable not always having to be “strong.” One of the most comforting things I heard from my friends was that, even though I might put on a brave face everywhere else, with them, I could simply be. 
• Talk to your direct supervisor or colleagues about what you’re going through: This doesn’t mean you have to share every detail. Share only as much as you feel comfortable with. One way to do this is to let your immediate supervisor know that you may need some flexibility with your deadlines or availability due to personal obligations. You can do this via email (that’s what I did) or in a one-on-one conversation, depending on what you think is best for you. 
• Communicate proactively: Even though you can’t always predict how you’ll feel a week from now (or even tomorrow), you can let your bosses or other stakeholders know if you need to adjust your schedule or even take a few days off. Again, this doesn’t mean you have to share the details of why, if you don’t feel comfortable doing so. 

No…

• Don't underestimate or downplay your emotions or your situation: What you’re feeling is valid. Don’t compare your situation to that of others. 
• You feel like you're a burden to others when you share what you're going through: You’re not. You’re sharing your reality and, on a subconscious level, showing that you trust the relationship enough to know you can share without any fear. 
• You expect yourself to be able to control or predict your mood: The phrase “emotional roller coaster” was coined for a reason. Try to get comfortable with the idea that you’ll handle situations as they arise. And when you do share your situation, it’s normal to lose a little control of your emotions. You have nothing to apologize for. 

• Ask others how they're doing: It’s tempting to talk only about work—but without those moments of casual conversation at the desk or during lunch at the office, it’s very important to find opportunities to maintain relationships and create spaces for casual conversation. 
• Create spaces for openness and vulnerability: Make sure the people you work with know you’re available to talk (if you are—not all of us have to be able to do this all the time, and that’s okay). Don’t just stick to the superficial “How are you?” of everyday life, but by asking follow-up questions and checking in from time to time. If you’re a manager or team leader, think of ways to regularly highlight the importance of vulnerability and well-being, without exposing anyone in public forums.
• Be patient and understanding: Commitments don’t mean the same thing right now. That means some deliverables might be late—or might not come at all. Assess what’s truly important, communicate it, and be more forgiving when you can.
• Respect the privacy of what is shared with you: While someone may share details with you, that doesn’t mean they’re willing to share them with others. Check with them before sharing anything (even if you have good intentions) and find other ways to advocate for them.

No 

• Hope to get an honest answer: It can be hard to be honest about what’s going on. Just letting someone know that you’re there to listen, without judging, is enough.
• Don't expect anyone to be able to tell you what they need or how they'll feel in the future: They might know, or they might not, at that moment. It can vary from day to day, hour to hour, depending on the person; the best thing you can do is let them know that you’ll be there when they need you.
• Trying to solve someone’s problems or rationalize their situation: This is one of the quickest ways to destroy trust! Let them share while you listen genuinely, asking follow-up questions and/or responding from a place of curiosity, not judgment or problem-solving. If you’re unsure, ask: “Do you need someone to talk to, or do you need some advice?”